What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
