tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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