I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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