If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
