I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I just want nice things and good sex
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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