We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
