his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
