Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
