I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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