watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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