Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
