Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
