she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
