just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
