I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
