you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
