I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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