We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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