there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
