The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
