dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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