The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I know her cup size but not her name....
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
