I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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