i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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