I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
