Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
