I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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