Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
