Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
