I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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