I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
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