My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
