I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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