perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
