The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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