my mouth tastes like poor choices
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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