Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
