after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
