Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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