Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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