I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
