I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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