I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
