Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
