Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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