I love black thongs
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
