Nicole vs. Life
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
