I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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