I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
