I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
