turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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